You Can't Fight Fate
by BendablePoseable
Summary: It feels strange. This; them alone in a room together. He can't remember a time when it was just them alone. Who's he kidding. Of course he can. It's burnt into his mind; Him. Her. A hotel room. A small box. A ring, and the resonating sting of rejection.


**A/N **_Just a little AU number. I'm trying to declog the many documents I have lurking around- I tend to write and then no longer like it and it just sits there but I thought I might as well post it on here anyway!_

It's perhaps the most stupid thing he's ever suggested. He's aware of that.

'What?' She asks and her startled face isn't a surprise to him. Because this is insane but he tries to convince her that he's not lost the plot and then she's asking him why. Why her? Because none of this makes any sense.

'Because I know you and you know me and she knows you and she loved you' He declares.

Her eyes are soft and caring and he avoids them because he doesn't want her pity or her sorry's; he ultimately doesn't want to be tricked into feeling anything for her.

Never again.

'Lucas...' Her mouth is agape and she's shaking her head.

He's wrong.

She did know him but she feels like that was a different person entirely to the one that stands before her. He's not the same and his next sentence proves that.

'This is purely business' He could of asked her as a favour and she'd have been more tempted. She doesn't know what she'd thought when he'd asked her to meet him, she doesn't know why she came, but she knows one thing, she doesn't want to be a business deal.

'But our history' She murmurs weakly.

'Is history' He supplies. He's learnt that much.

It's the first time either one of them has verbally acknowledged that they had a past.

He's just turned twenty-eight and until recently they've been on opposite sides of the coast. They've spent the last nine years avoiding one another but it was inevitable in the end; they share friends and of course it hasn't been easy but they've had to see each other from time to time.

They've both grown up now and he's done being bitter and she's done being broken and they're both pretty great at pretending their young relationship never even happened. They have to, because it's just too hard and life is too short to keep rehashing the past.

'I'd pay you and-'

'No' She cuts off. 'I can't I'm sorry but no' She's learnt to be around him without having a meltdown but what he's asking of her. It's too much.

It feels strange. This; them alone in a room together. He can't remember a time when it was just them alone.

Who's he kidding. Of course he can. It's burnt into his mind; Him. Her. A hotel room. A small box. A ring, and the resonating sting of rejection.

It's been so long since that day. Just under ten years. 3,557 days. But he's not counting or anything.

She's different and he's thankful for that because it makes it easier to convince himself that she's not the girl he'd once been in love with.

She's not the girl that wore denim jeans with a hole gaping at the knee and a led zeppelin tee. She's not the girl with golden curls that had so much passion it overwhelmed him.

She's none of those things.

She's got straight hair and she's wearing a tight dress that makes her look sophisticated and heels that make her legs look endless.

She use to cover those lengthy pins in denim and the creamy expanse of skin that is now so frequently on display would leave any man's mouth dry. They leave Lucas' mouth dry.

It's not her appearance that strikes him most though, it's her eyes, they use to be so bright and fearless. Not anymore.

He's different too though. He's painfully aware. He's wearing a suit that he's become strangely comfortable in over the years. He's self assured and confident; he has his success to thank for that.

He writes. He doesn't just write. He makes a difference. He makes peoples stories heard. He changes lives, sometimes putting his life in danger while doing so.

They're both different but despite it all, it's like no time has passed at all.

It's still him and her and the fierce, magnetic pull that they like to fight is almost tangible but they ignore it. They both dismiss it.

'Would you like a drink?' He asks.

'No' She's not stupid, she's not someone he can get to concede over a hard drink.

'Brooke told me that you're struggling to keep up with your rent'

Her eyes narrow and she suddenly looks eighteen again.

He's the adult and she's the kid and she doesn't like it. Not one bit.

She mutters something about Brooke and her big mouth and then he's telling her not to be ashamed and she hates him. She feels her insides burn because he's just making it worse. Because she's nearly twenty eight, two years away from thirty and she's working for a record label that she's been at since she left school and it goes against everything she believes in and her earnings never seem to cover the constant realm of bills and he's standing there. Mr Perfect. Earning money and making a difference in the world and she hates him for it. She hates that he's aware that she's struggling because she wants him of all people to think she's doing well.

'Not that it's any of your business but I'm coping just fine' She hates that he can read her lying eyes and she hates him. 'I don't need any of your help'

'This isn't about me helping you. I'm not trying to help you' He argues. He's not. The truth is, she _is_ a business deal and he's not use to being defeated, he's pretty good at not taking no for an answer. He's wonderful at plying information from people but she's different, she's always been different. She's always been difficult. 'I'm asking you to help me'

'You're asking me to pose as your girlfriend Lucas! Why me? You could get anyone to do this-'

'I've told you why' He calmly states. 'Look, I'm not exactly jumping up and down over this but I know I can trust you-'

'You could trust Brooke!'

'Brooke's in a serious relationship'

Serious relationship. Another thing she's lacking in. She sighs and stands. She doesn't like being in his office. It's big and flashy and has a wonderful view of the skyline and she feels like they're no longer equals.

'It wouldn't be in any way practical nor believable. Whilst I loved Brooke, I wasn't in love with her and my mum knows that' He elaborates.

Peyton closes her eyes, trying to shut out his words and what they mean, she doesn't want to think about what they mean. She's spent a lot of time trying to understand what their relationship had meant, to define what it was they'd held for each other, because it sure as hell couldn't have been love, not if they were so divided now.

'I just want her to think I'm happy Peyton. She's dying'

Dying. She's thought of nothing else since she found out seven days ago. She's not seen the woman he speaks of for going on ten years but she loved her. She really did and the thought of a world without her is painful. Beyond painful. It's painful because Karen was perhaps the closest thing to a mother figure during her teenage years, it's painful because it's too soon. She's too young, she's meant to see her little girl graduate and her son marry, she's meant to hold her grandchildren. It's painful because she's Lucas' mum and despite the distance between them, she still has this incomprehensible need to protect him from the heart wrenching pain that will undoubtably be forced upon him in the coming months.

She walks over to the large windows and runs her hand through her hair and he can tell she's getting more flustered but he's hopeful that she's coming round to the idea when she murmurs. 'What would I have to do exactly?'

'Just come to a few things, it'll mainly be dinners, family stuff'

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth. He's being so suave and breezy over this and it's disconcerting. Had she not known about his mother's fate already, she'd never have guessed he was going through something so traumatic; he's upbeat, not down and depressed as she'd expected to find him.

'All you have to do is hold my hand and look pretty and I'll pay you for it'

She can hear the smile in his voice and shakes her head in disbelief. 'You're making me sound like some, some prostitute or something'

He snorts. 'As tempting as that is, I wouldn't be paying you for any sexual favours' He leans back in his leather seat and looks at her with slight amusement but she doesn't laugh because this isn't funny. None of this is funny.

His mother is dying. He's asking her to lie. He's asking her to pretend. She shouldn't have to pretend.

Her cheeks are hot but she doesn't turn around to let him see.

'What about my personal life?' She proposes and her voice is becoming more frantic.

'Well, all I ask is that you're discreet. As long as Mum doesn't find out about whatever or whoever you're doing in your private life, it won't matter'

She looks at him. She's disappointed by his serene expression. She's disappointed that he doesn't care, wouldn't care if she was fucking someone right in front of his eyes because despite the time she'd still care if he flaunted a relationship before her

'Right' She mutters flatly, turning back to the sky scape.

He watches the back of her head bob as she nods.

'So what do you say?'

'I don't know Lucas. I'm so sorry about your Mum, I really am'

'I know'

'What you're asking of me though, this is crazy' It's oh so crazy but she's not saying no.

'Is the prospect of spending a few hours a week with me that awful?' He wonders. He watches her front teeth bite down on her bottom lip and he smiles triumphantly because he knows he's won, despite her lack of enthusiasm. 'We use to be friends once upon a time. Maybe we could actually be that again'

Her eyes drift to him. She wonders if he's joking. They were never friends. She wants to say that. She wants to scream it.

But she won't because she's not mad at him anymore. Their history is history.

'Fine' She relents. 'Fine I'll do it' She moves back to his desk and retrieves her bag.

'You will?' He clarifies.

'That's what I just said isn't it?' She mutters shortly. She's eager to be done with this because it's absurd.

'Wonderful' He claps his hands together and suddenly he's standing. 'Mum's living nearby me at the moment and we're having dinner tonight. I'll pick you up at seven?'

'Woah' Her eyes widen and she stops near the door. 'Wait a sec, tonight?'

'Yes'

'But-'

'Do you already have plans?'

'No but…' She trails off.

'What?'

'You just sprung this on me I thought you'd give me a little time to get my head round it'

'What's there to get your head round?'

A lot. She thinks.

But she doesn't verbalise any of her fears or concerns over this arrangement because she wants him to think there's no problem because there evidently isn't for him.

'What do you want me to wear?' She groans, reluctantly accepting his invitation.

'I dunno' He shrugs. 'Whatever'

'Well where are we going? Do I go casual or a dress and heels?'

'Dress and heels' He decides, based entirely on his desire to keep her legs out on display. 'I have a meeting in five minutes. We can talk about money later-'

'I don't want your money Lucas'

'No I won't take no for an answer. Besides I don't want to owe you anything' He says simply and her mouth opens but no words come out. 'You won't have to worry about your rent anymore though' He opens his office door and she feels like she's a student and he's the headmaster and she's being dismissed and the whole money thing is making her feel sick. She doesn't want his money. 'I'll pick you up at eight. Brooke gave me your address'

'Right. Of course she did' She mutters.

'I can't tell you how much this means. I know why you're reluctant but this will really make her happy' His eyes meet hers and for the first time in the last hour they stay fixed with green for longer than a mere second. 'You're letting me give her something that I didn't think I could'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth because she can feel tears burning at her eyes and the last thing she's going to allow herself to do is bawl in front of him. She nods curtly, hastily vacating his office with a murmur of. 'I'll see you tonight'.

* * *

><p>He picks her up as promised and she's waiting outside her building because she doesn't want him to see her apartment.<p>

'Hi' She smiles as she gets into the car and it's nervous because she's nervous.

'Hey' He does his best to look nonchalant but in the last five seconds his heart beat has increased significantly and his hands are clammy and he's thinking not only was this crazy but damn right stupid too. Because as much as he's endeavoured to hold so much dislike for her over the years he can't stop thinking she's beautiful. Nothing will change that. He realises that and whilst he's enjoying the view, he's also hating that he's putting himself through such torture.

'Do I look okay?'

His eyes run down her body.

She doesn't want him to think she's fishing for a complement because she's not. 'I can run inside if you'd prefer I put on-'

'No, it's fine. You look...fine' He nods.

'Are you sure? Because if you're paying for me, for this I mean, for me to do this, I just want to make sure I look as you want' She rambles and she feels utterly stupid but she's taking this seriously. If he wants to pay her it's therefore a job and she wants his approval because otherwise she'll feel unworthy of the money he's promised her.

He swallows and clears his throat. 'Yes' He nods. 'You'll do' He scratches the back of his neck.

'What about my hair?' She subconsciously touches her hair. It's up and pinned to one side and she looks sexy, elegant and grown up. She is grown up. She's not eighteen anymore. 'I can change it-'

'No' He shakes his head again because he doesn't want her changing anything. She looks perfect. Is perfect.

She bites her lip. 'Okay...'

He focuses his eyes on the road and pulls away from her building.

It's silent.

It's not an easy silence. Not like it had been once upon a time.

It's awkward and she can't stand it.

'So what, what's our story?' She eventually breaks it.

'What do you mean?'

She swallows. 'Well, if your mum asks? What am I suppose to say about us?'

'Right' He's thought this through. 'Well I thought we'd just tell her we've recently been seeing each other again and you're completely head over heels for me' He answers with a little smirk and she just nods and looks down because she's bewildered by the way he jokes so effortlessly about them. It's a sore subject for her. She's looking down because little does he know it, but the last part of his sentence is a truth, a truth she doesn't want to come to terms with.

Karen's apartment is big. It's not like the house in Tree Hill that Peyton remembers so fondly. It's expensive and luxurious and she knows Lucas has splashed out and spoilt her.

They stand outside and she shifts her weight from foot to foot and he tells her to stop it because she's making him feel sea sick.

'I'm nervous' She admits.

'You don't need to be. Just be you. She loves you.'

The door opens.

Karen stands there dumbstruck for a moment and then she's squealing 'Peyton!' in utter surprise. Surprised doesn't quite cover it. Her eyes dart from her son to the girl on her doorstep. 'You didn't say you were bringing anyone Lucas Eugene Scott!'

'I thought I'd surprise you tonight' He smiles. His hand reaches for Peyton's and a part of her wants to snatch it away because she's scared of him touching her, scared about this whole situation because she's scared she's not going to be able to keep feelings that have been simmering beneath the surface for the last ten years at bay. But he takes her hand and it feels wrong, it feels wrong that it feels so right. So normal. So safe.

It's where her fingers belong, in his. She knows that. She does and she doesn't know why she's putting herself through this hell because when this night ends she'll go home to her grim apartment and get into her bed alone. Because this isn't real. This, them, they were over a long, long time ago. None of this is real.

Karen's smile grows impossibly bigger. 'You two? You're together? Together, together?'

That smile makes it all worth while though and Peyton easily finds herself playing along.

'Yeah Mum' Lucas confirms.

Abruptly the older woman's arms are around them both and she's crying.

'Mum don't cry'

'Oh darling, I'm just so happy' She pulls back, a hand to each of their cheeks. 'I never thought I'd live to see the day when you two sorted yourselves out' She shakes her head in disbelief and then she's ordering them inside and demanding they tell all.

They play off of each other effortlessly, just as they once had, all those years ago.

Karen eats up their words. Believes every word.

Lucas cooks much to his mother's protests but he insists and instructs Peyton to take her in the living room and catch up.

She obliges and as she sits down on the sofa in her figure hugging dress, she suddenly thinks she's slightly over dressed and that jeans and a tee would've been far more appropriate. Despite Lucas giving off the impression that they would be dining out, she's not disappointed, in fact, being here in a much more homely setting is far more appealing.

She talks with Karen about Lily, who should be home shortly from a dance class. They look at pictures, laugh at memories and Karen inquires about her life and she's honest.

Completely honest.

Well mostly, apart from the small detail that her and Lucas are in actual fact not together. She tells her she's unhappy in her job. She tells her she's lonely. She tells her she feels like she's struggling to keep her head above water and then she's apologising because this strong and wonderful woman before her is dying and she's complaining about her life and she's never felt more self absorbed.

Karen holds her hand and tells her she's just fine, that she's going to be just fine now because Lucas has found her again and it means everything.

Peyton forces a smile then and nods as best she can and then she's asking how Karen feels and how she's getting on.

As expected the older woman puts on a strong front, she assures her she feels fine, is fine and it is what it is and she's happy enjoying whatever amount of time she has left.

And then Lily is home and Lily isn't the one and a half year old Peyton last saw.

She's ten. She's tall and skinny and her hair is scraped back in a bun on top of her head and she's wearing a blue leotard and white tights and ballet slippers and she's beautiful and every bit her mother and father but there's also a bit of Lucas there too.

She shyly sits beside her mother, brown eyes inspecting their guest.

Karen introduces them and explains who she is and recognition shows on the child's face and she smiles and Peyton smiles right back.

She asks Lily how her dance class was and then the young girl isn't so shy anymore and she confidently stands on her tippy toes and glides around the room declaring that she's going to be a ballerina when she's older and Peyton thinks she might just be right.

'Can you and Peyton stay the night Luke? Pleaseee?' The ten year old pleads to her big brother when they're all sated from dinner.

'I don't think so Lil'

'Please, pretty please. Then you can take me to school in the morning!'

'Peyton's got work and-'

'I can get a taxi home it's fine'

'No. Don't be silly' He shakes his head.

'Please. Please. Please'

'Lily' Karen chides.

'It's okay. It's fine' Peyton cuts in suddenly. Lucas is right; she does have work but she doesn't care if she's late in the morning because right now she wants to make that little face smile and if Lily wants her big brother to stay, they'll stay.

'Are you sure?' He's looking directly at her but she's looking at Karen and Lily and she nods with a grin at them.

'Yes' Lily throws her hand in the air triumphantly. 'Can I stay up late Mum, can I?'

'Just this once' Karen agrees and Lucas smiles sadly because in reality he knows Lily could ask for anything and his mother would try and make it happen because she's running out of time with her daughter and Lily is still so young and not ready for her Mum's earlier departure. He doesn't think the reality of their situation has sunk in for his kid sister, he doesn't think it's sunk in for any of them.

* * *

><p>'I'll sleep on the floor'<p>

'Don't be stupid' Peyton shakes her head. She's standing awkwardly on the other side of the room, clutching a t-shirt he's just given her to her chest. 'We're grown adults. I think we can share a bed without doing anything inappropriate' She doesn't know where the words come from because her stomach is in knots and despite being adults she has absolutely no faith in herself. She's a hugger. If she's not got a warm body laying beside her, she's curled around a pillow. He knows that. She knows he knows that. 'Can you turn around for a sec?'

'Sorry. Sure' He swiftly turns his back to her so she can change. He's not really sure why she's agreed to this because he certainly hadn't meant for this sleepover but he's thankful none the less because he knows he's made both his Mum and sister the happiest girls in the world tonight. He's swamped with articles at work at the minute and somedays he just wants to up and quit so he can spend more time with them but he's the one providing for them. That isn't an option.

He hears her get into the bed and it's not until she's pulled the covers up to her chest that she tells him he can turn around.

She curls her knees to her chest and stays on the very edge of the bed, her body rigid when his side of the mattress dips.

He pulls the sheet over him and notes the space between them and how altogether uncomfortable she looks. He wonders if he's that undesirable to her these days. He wonders if she ever really held any true emotion for him.

'Good night then'

'Yes, good night' She whispers back.

It feels strange, almost surreal. The last time she was in a bed with him, she'd fallen asleep with her limbs entwined with his. She'd awoken alone and he'd taken her heart with her.

She strains her body to keep the required valley between them because it's safer here. She won't ever venture across to be on his side again, not when she could risk falling down the giant cannon between them.

* * *

><p>'What will happen with Lily?' It's been eight weeks since she agreed to this arrangement. It's been eight weeks of pretending and with each passing day it feels like less of a charade. To her anyhow.<p>

'I'm going to have her'

She expected no less and her heart swells.

'Mum suggested Haley and Nate to begin with. I think she thinks I can't handle it'

'She doesn't think that' Peyton shakes her head because she knows that's not the truth. 'Haley and Nate are married and they have Jamie and she probably just thought it would be less of a struggle for them'

'She's my sister though' He mutters. Of course it'll probably be a struggle and it'll take some adjusting but he'll cope because she's his responsibility and he'd give his life for her.

'Yes. And you're Karen's son and she ultimately wants to give you the world Luke' She reaches for his hand and he doesn't flinch away. It's natural. It's normal. 'And that doesn't involve you bringing up a child that isn't your own'

'I wouldn't have it any other way'

'And she knows that. She just wanted you to be the one to make that choice. Not her'

He nods and then they're silent.

She releases his hand after a lingering moment and then a question is spilling from her lips that consumes her mind every day.

'What happened to us Lucas?'

His eyes reverently seek hers out and he wonders what made her ask such a question. He wants to know what she's thinking. She's gone from soothing him and making him understand his mother's motives to making him feel uneasy and aggravated. He doesn't want to talk about this.

His brow creases and he looks away from her waiting stare.

'I...I guess what happens when you fall for someone you met in high school. You drift apart. You grow up and become different people'

'I'm not any different' She disputes.

'Yes you are'

'How?'

'You're, you're hairs straight and you're face is different'

'My face?' She asks with a furrowed brow.

'Yes, it's, you're, you don't look like a teenager anymore' He decides.

'Well asides from looking _old_ I'm not any different' She huffs.

He smirks because she's pouting and he thinks it's cute. 'I didn't say you look old. You look older'

She doesn't want to look older and she doesn't want to be older.

He rolls his eyes. 'In a sexy kind of way'

Her head shoots up to look at him.

'There I said it. Happy? You look hot'

She smiles. 'I'd say thanks but I know you're just trying to dig yourself out of the gigantic hole you just made yourself' She jokes because she refuses to allow herself to fall for his words, she's done that far too many a time. Because the things Lucas Scott writes and says and the things Lucas Scott does are all seemingly completely different things altogether.

He laughs but he stops himself from trying to convince her that he means it. That she does look hot.

Because he doesn't want to be saying things like that to her. It was an accident. And he won't say it again.

In future he's going to steer clear of any conversation about them.

'Lets just not talk about us okay?' He says softly.

Half of her wants to disagree because she really wants to have that conversation because she still doesn't understad what happened. 'Okay' She agrees though. Because it's been ten years and keeping silent is better than hearing the painful home truths like they just weren't meant to be. That they were just a naive high school romance.

* * *

><p>She's at lunch with Karen.<p>

He's not asked her to do this.

Karen rang her.

She's here through choice and the line she drew herself at the start of this is being well and truly crossed and trampled on because this isn't something he's required she do.

She's not crossed the line with him, she's not tried anything. She holds his hand and smiles and lets him kiss her cheek from time to but asides from that they've been completely professional but when it comes to Lily and Karen, anything that's asked of her she's there.

She's not on the job right now so to speak and this isn't a favour; she's here because she wants to do anything she can for this woman.

Karen is looking more frail by the day now. She weakly clings to Peyton's arm as they enter the restaurant and exhales a breath of relief when they're seated. The mask of make up doesn't conceal the sink holes beneath her eyes or her pronounced cheekbones. But despite Peyton's sinking stomach at the older woman's appearance she puts on a smile because the last thing Karen wants is anyone to focus on her impending death. But it can't be avoided today. Because Karen is speaking about things that has Peyton struggling to see through glassy eyes.

'I know Luke will look after her. I know that. He'll treat her as his own and he loves her unconditionally and she'll be happy and he'll be wonderful, I have no doubt of that' Karen expels a heavy breath.

'He will' Peyton agrees. She's certain that he can handle the role of being both Lily's brother and father. She sees the way he is with her and she can remember how wonderful he was with his nephew Jamie.

'But I'm glad' Karen reaches for her hand and Peyton's brow furrows, a silent question in her eyes. 'I feel so relieved that he's found you again. That you've sorted out your problems' Karen elaborates.

Peyton's throat constricts and she instantly feels sick.

'She needs a mother Peyton. She does and please don't think I'm putting any pressure on you because I don't mean it to be that way' The older woman pauses. 'I just, I want her to have someone she can go to when she's upset and Lucas doesn't understand because there will be those times and I want her to have someone when she's going through things that only a woman can understand, when she starts her period, when she suffers her first heartbreak; she'll need me and I won't be there but you, you will and I'm, I'm so very relieved'

'Karen-' She's on the brink of confessing because this huge charade, this lie that encompasses her isn't right. Not when Karen is relying on her for something like this.

'No darling' Karen shakes her head. 'Please don't speak. I know it'll be hard and this is so much to ask of you. You didn't ask for any of this but please promise me, promise me you'll always be there if she needs you. Please. Lily, She, she's at such a difficult age. I wish she were that much younger or older and this would all probably be a little easier on her but she's at that age where she's old enough to understand but also not old enough to be able to cope without me and...' She swallows and Peyton takes the opportunity to cut in.

'I was nine when my Mum died, a year younger than Lily now' She warily watches Karen's reaction. 'I'll know exactly what she's feeling because I've been there Karen and it, it's hard. It's awful but she'll have me. I swear. No matter what I'll be there' It's a promise she thinks perhaps she shouldn't make, because for all she knows Lucas will want her out of the way when this is over but a promise she also knows she won't break, no matter how he feels about it. She can't because she's more like Lily than she's perhaps realised before and Karen is right, Lily will need that female guidance and she's prepared more than anything to take on that role. Her relationship with Lucas is irrelevant because she has a responsibility that's bigger than them, one that she's determined to fulfil.

'I won't let you down'

'I know you won't sweetheart'

'Whatever happens with me and Lucas, I'll be there for her'

Karen smiles. 'I don't doubt your relationship with Lucas honey. Not for a moment' She laughs. 'And you shouldn't either. You two have done enough dancing around. If only you could see what I see so clearly'

Peyton smiles sadly because she wishes she could see what Karen sees but she thinks the older woman sees everything through rose tinted glasses because her son certainly doesn't love her anymore.

* * *

><p>'Your Mum gave me this yesterday' She holds out the box to him. They're sitting in his car outside of her apartment. They've just been to the hospital to see Karen. She's had to go in for a couple of days.<p>

Her condition is deteriorating.

'You saw my Mum yesterday?'

'Yeah I went to visit her'

'Oh' He takes the box. 'You didn't have to do that'

'I wanted to'

He opens it with curious eyes and then he's smiling. 'My grandmother's locket'

'Yes' She nods sadly. 'She said I'm to wear it when we eventually marry and that' She swallows thickly. 'And that a little part of her will be with us that day, even, even if it's not in person'

He looks at her with surprised but kind eyes. 'You should keep it'

'What?'

'I want you to keep it'

'What?'

'You can keep it'

'Lucas, no' She leans back in her seat and away from him because he's either joking or being plain ridiculous.

'Please. Think of it as a thank you. I know you aren't exactly thrilled about this arrangement but you've been perfect tonight and every other night, my mum looked so happy'

'Lucas that necklace is important, it means something to her, I can't. It's not right. It's yours...' She shakes her head.

'It's not, it's yours. She gave it to you' He dismisses.

'Your mum doesn't know that you're paying me to pretend I'm your girlfriend. She doesn't know that I'm not the girl that you'll one day walk down the aisle with!' She exclaims.

'Doesn't matter. She wouldn't have given it you had she not wanted you to have it. Trust me'

'Luke, no'

'What is it with you being completely incapable of accepting jewellery from me?' He takes her wrist and forces the box into her hand, moulding her fingers round the navy velvet box and although his smile is playful it paralyzes her. 'I want you to have it'

She opens and closes her mouth.

The box feels so heavy in her palm, like a ball and chain, weighing her down.

His words replay in her head and she's suddenly in that hotel room and he's on his knee and she can't breathe.

'Besides you can wear it when you next see her, that'll make her happy' He adds, oblivious to her non seeing eyes.

She has a dream. She has a dream that she's back in that room and she lets him open that little box and she lets him propose and she says yes. She says yes again and again. Every single time.

'By the way. I've got this work party next Friday. I was hoping you'd come if you're not busy'

She blinks back into the now. 'But your Mum's in no state to be go-'

'She's not. But see, I foolishly told her about it'

'Well can't I just pretend I went with you?'

'Well yeah. It's just, I seem to have garnered this reputation that I'm a bit of a...'

'What?'

'A ladies man?'

She raises her eyebrows. 'So what's that got to do with me?' She's uncomfortable with this conversation. She wants to get out of this car because she doesn't want to think about the many girls he has on the go because that's what he's insinuating and she's wishing she was the only girl he wants.

'So, I thought it would you know, shut up the guys if I took you and introduce you as my-'

'Girlfriend'

'Right. I'm going to have to find a date if not and I can't be bothered with that and it would just be easier cause you know that I'm not looking for a relationship and I'll pay you on top of usu-'

'No. It's fine...Okay, I'll go' She mumbles. 'This couldn't get anymore fucked up anyways' She groans. 'I'll go as your non date, date to your party thing' She opens her door and slides out. 'Good night Lucas'

He can't help but note her sombre expression but he doesn't say anything and she doesn't look back and he feels bad because he knows he's perhaps just asked more of her than he should but at the same time he doesn't care because he's going to enjoy showing her off in front of his friends and besides it's just this once.

Only it's not just once. After that night he badgers her into going to plenty of other things with him.

The worse thing is, she finds herself having a good time. She jokes with his friends, gossips with they're girlfriends. She tells them stories about him when they were young and they laugh and he pouts and pulls her into his side, his hand swats her behind lightly to shut her up and it works every time because her cheeks suddenly go hot and she can't find words.

He calls her baby and sweetie when they're with others and she calls him honey and she deludes herself into thinking this is real some nights.

That what they're doing is real but then he'll say something small or she'll get a large some of money deposited in her bank account and she's reminded that it's not real.

And then she feels cheap and dirty and used.

But she can't stop.

She can't stop. Won't for Karen but also she doesn't think she could anyhow.

She's too addicted.

Tonight they're at a Christmas party.

Brooke is here too and she's standing with them and smugly telling them that it's her doing they're back together and Peyton feels worse than she ever has about all this. Because she doesn't lie to Brooke but she has been. She has been for the last few months.

'So Lucas Scott, when are you going to pluck up courage and ask this one down the aisle again'

Peyton instantly stiffens. This subject is off limits and she's angry and mortified that her best friend has had the nerve to say such a thing but at the same time she's not surprised.

Lucas' hand tugs Peyton closer into his side and he laughs off the brunette but Peyton's not laughing.

'I have a hunch she'd say yes-'

'Brooke leave it' Peyton's voice cuts in sternly.

'Baby, she's only mucking about. It's fine' Lucas' hand grabs her chin and tilts her head to look at him and he smiles and shakes his his head coyly and she looks into his eyes and this doesn't feel wrong or make her feel uneasy.

She's completely shocked when he leans forward and his lips are on hers.

So shocked that it's her natural instinct to reel back but his hand holds her chin tightly and his other ensnares her arm and then she realises she can't pull away. She won't because they've got an audience and he knows that.

She relaxes.

It's just a mouth to mouth kiss but her lips part and when they do his tongue quickly finds hers.

'I'm so happy you kids are back together' Brooke grins mischievously when Lucas finally pulls away. Peyton's stomach is fluttering and she wants to rejoin their lips and all she can think is she wasn't pretending, that wasn't pretending but she's not sure he knows that. 'But you know there's a time and a place for that and Julian's not here so don't rub my face in it'

Lucas smiles. 'Sorry I couldn't resist. Can you blame me?'

Brooke's eyes shift to her best friend and her eyebrow quirks. She notes how the blonde looks slightly frazzled and her forefinger is tracing over her lips.

'Well no, not when she's wearing that I can't. Where're all these fabulous clothes coming from P Sawyer? I thought I was your one and only fashion source. I feel hurt.' Brooke puts her hand over her heart dramatically.

Peyton blinks.

Her wardrobe has had several new editions lately. She's attended events with him that have required the best and he's always been pretty clueless when it comes to clothes so he's had this girl, Jenny Hart for sometime who provides him with what he needs without all the hassle that comes with shopping. Miss Hart has been doing the same for Peyton so to speak and he always insists she keeps them after which she kind of hates and loves all at once because she dreads to think how much they cost.

'Honey are you okay?' Brooke wonders because she's yet to get a response and her friend is clearly preoccupied with something.

Peyton's brow furrows. 'Yeah I...' She swallows. 'I just need a drink I think. Will you come with?'

'Coming Luke?'

Peyton hopes to god he says no because she wants away from him now.

'Oh no, I need to speak to some people. You can have her for a little while' He winks and Peyton rolls her eyes and drags Brooke in the other direction. They get themselves some champagne and Brooke asks her again if she's okay to which Peyton assures her she is and she quickly steers the conversation away from herself to Brooke and then her chatty friend doesn't shut up but she listens and laughs and is glad for the company.

Brooke leaves before they do though and she's left to go and search out the man she came with.

He can't be found though.

It's not the first time she's been at one of these things with him and found him up in the offices above, trying to get a few minutes of work in.

So she ventures out into the lavish, abandoned entrance to the elevators and then she's on the top floor and she's walking through a maze of desks and offices.

There's a glow coming from the end room and she knows she's found him then.

She looks through the jar in the door and her heart is palpitating rapidly in her chest.

Her eyes widen.

She expected to find him looking over possible stories like the workaholic she's come to note he is. But that isn't the case. Not at all.

She wants to run. Run far away but she can't move. She can't. He's standing there, a girl's back against his chest, his hands at her hips, his lips at her bare shoulder.

She swallows and she knows she doesn't have the right because he's allowed to fuck who he wants but she's angry. It's easy for her to slip into her expected character of his girlfriend, especially when she comes to one of these things with him and she's angry because she's out there smiling sweetly at his guests and he's snuck up here. She's angry because he just kissed her and he's fucking with her mind and she can't take it.

She won't stand here and watch for another second and she sure isn't staying at this god forsaken party for a moment longer.

She's about to turn and leave but he's just undone the back of the girl's dress and pulled it down to her waist and his hands are everywhere all at once but what keeps her stranded in the gap between the door is something else entirely.

It's the girl's dress. The girl's shoes. The girl's hair and even the girl's bra.

A knot forms in her stomach.

This girl isn't just wearing any dress. She's wearing exactly the same attire as herself, right down to the underwear.

Her eyes have widened dramatically and she wants the ground to swallow her up and make this whole scene disappear because she can't process it.

She doesn't know what this means. She doesn't understand.

His lips are kissing the girls neck and Peyton backs up because she can't watch this. Won't.

Stealthiness has never exactly been her strong suit though.

Her eyes slam shut when the coat stand flings into the door making the loudest of clatters.

Cringing she squints into the sudden light and then Lucas is staring right at her and she's turning and all but running towards the elevator.

He catches up with her before then though.

'Peyton wait up'

'No' She can't slow down. 'I'm sorry! I was just looking for you and then...and well' She reaches the lifts and her finger reaches for the little green button but despite her relentless prodding the elevator doesn't arrive any quicker and Lucas is beside her before she's reached safety.

'Why're you running away?'

'Because! I, I'm angry and confused and...and angry!' She exclaims, flailing her hands. She registers his calm, composed self and scowls. 'And I don't know why you're not at least a little embarrassed!'

He shrugs and smiles. 'You're acting like a jealous girlfriend'

'No!' She disputes, crossing her arms in front of herself. 'You asked me to do this for you as a favour and I have, what I'm doing is exceeding what we agreed. If _I'd_ done what I just saw _you_ doing you'd be going crazy at me right now because I'm at a function with _you_ and what you were just doing is not what you'd declare as discreet' She glowers.

'Well, no.' He sees her point of view. 'But I'm not you, I'm like your boss' He feels the need to point out. 'And my Mum's not here'

'What? So the rules are different for you? It's okay for you to be seen fucking around behind my back but not the other way round'

'Peyton we're not in an actual relationship' The lift has arrived now but the opening and closing doors are ignored.

'I'm aware but the people around us aren't! Brooke and Dad and even Haley and Nate are under the illusion that we're actually an item again and they're all so fucking happy about it. People talk Luke and Brooke was here and Brooke knows people, a lot of people and I don't particularly want to be viewed as the blind girlfriend who's getting screwed over just as much as you wouldn't appreciate me fucking around right in front of your nose!'

He nods once.

'I don't see how it would be beneficial to you either!' She carries on. 'I thought the whole point in me being here is that you were sick of the taunting you get for being such a fucking player and you wanted everyone to think you're in an idealic relationship'

Again, he nods.

'Why do you keep nodding?'

'Because you won't let me get a word in and I agree. Okay? You're right'

He's so calm and so willing to listen to her complaints that it kind of throws her because they use to argue. She's use to an argument. Especially with them because nothing is ever easy.

'It was unfair. So far, you've had the decency to keep your personal life away from my eyes, from now on I'll make sure I pay you with the same respect'

Her mouth is slightly agape and her surprised expression is clear on her face.

'Shall we go back down?' His eyes avert to the waiting lift and his hand finds her back, urging her through the doors.

She swats away with a berating, d_on't touch me _look.

The doors close.

There five floors away from the ground when she speaks again.

'And don't fucking kiss me like that'

He smiles. 'I was just trying to be convincing in front of Brooke'

'Well don't' She spits. 'In fact I'm not coming to any of these stupid things with you again'

The pinging noise signals their arrival and the doors slide open a moment later and he's not at all surprised when she marches off towards the exit because he's fucked up and she wants to leave and he's not even going to try and stop her.

She stays true to her word.

She doesn't go anywhere where it's just them. It's all about Karen and Lily.

She hates herself though because she misses it. She misses those moments when he'd introduce her to someone and say this is _my_ girlfriend.

And she can't get that night out of her head.

She's tormented by everything.

She can see his hands on that girl and it's like she's watching it through a lens and she's the girl.

Because everything about the girl was her.

From her hair to her clothing and she doesn't understand but she wants to. Needs to.

* * *

><p>She's in his large apartment. It's the first time she's been here and her showing up here takes him off guard but he welcomes her inside none the less. She's dressed for tonight and as he's perfected, he avoids letting his eyes linger on her too long, not while she's looking anyway. He guides her into the kitchen and then he's looking in the fridge to grab some water when he asks her if everything is alright because he was meant to pick her up in a half hour.<p>

'Do you still love me?' She blurts.

'What?' He stiffens.

'She was dressed just like me Lucas!'

He closes the fridge door and is forced to look at her.

The little black dress she's wearing is just that, little. It's long sleeved with an off the shoulder neckline and a low back that dips to just above her ass. He loves it. He chose it.

'The other week' She elaborates. 'She was dressed just like me' She's speaking quickly and she's on edge and he's completely composed.

'What makes you think it wasn't you that was dressed like her?' He proposes.

It's something that's not crossed her mind and she feels stupid for a moment and then she's shaking her head. 'Well if that's the case I don't appreciate you dressing me up and pretending I'm someone else'

He sighs and smiles at her. 'Sweetheart I never pretend you're anyone else'

He just called her sweetheart and they haven't an audience and her heart is racing.

'So, it was _her_ dressed as _me_?'

'Does it really matter?'

'Yes!' She exclaims. 'Of course it matters'

'I don't see how'

'Lucas you pretending a girl is me when you fuck her is just not normal'

He wants to laugh because it kind of is. If only she knew how many times he'd thought of her when he was fucking some other girl, especially in the recent months.

'Why haven't you tried anything?' She whispers. 'With me'

His eyes leave her immediately to look at his watch. 'Look, as lovely as this conversation is, we have to get going' He hands her, her clutch purse.

'But-'

'No buts, we can't be late, it's her birthday'

* * *

><p>She's trying to smile.<p>

But there's nothing happy about this birthday.

Karen is sat in a arm chair looking frail and every one here looks sombre as they're stuck thinking about this woman's impending death. And Peyton just wants to turn this whiney music off and put something cheerful on.

It's not long before Lucas is tugging her away. They're in a fancy hotel and she almost snorts when he finds them a coat room to talk in because there has to be a thousand different rooms he could have found.

'What's the matter?' He asks as he closes the door.

'Nothing'

'Yeah? Well you look like you'd rather be anywhere but here'

She walks through the racks of coats.

'Well I would' She blurts angrily and then she's pushing her tongue to the roof of her mouth to stop herself from saying anything else because she doesn't want to be mean but she's already blown it because his brow has furrowed.

She just thinks it's unfair. They're celebrating a birthday when in the coming weeks they'll most likely be celebrating Karen's funeral and that's how everyone's acting. Like it's the funeral. She wants to go out there and actually celebrate this wonderful woman's life.

She hates it. She hates it all.

He stops her from dipping through a gap in the coats and spins her around.

'Well that's fine. But this is a job, you don't always get to enjoy it but you get on with it. That's life' He's angry because he can't read her mind and she just sounds rude and that's not the girl he knows.

'Is it though?'

'Is it what?' He's becoming short tempered because he doesn't like this conversation and he wants to just drag her back out there and supply her with champagne and continue on with the charade that they can perfect so effortlessly.

'Just a job' She bravely looks directly at him. 'You said it doesn't matter earlier but, but it matters to me'

She doesn't have to explain herself, he knows exactly what she's referring to.

'Peyton' He warns.

'No Luke. You can't just say it doesn't matter and expect me to be fine with it. You...with...her...pretending...' She trails off and pinches the bridge of her nose. 'You said our history was history'

'It is'

'You wanting to be with me doesn't make it history!' She exclaims.

He shakes his head. He's mad. He hates her for witnessing him because had she not this wouldn't be an issue right now. He hates her for not just letting it go. He hates that she's got this on him_, _that she's got it into her head that he's still in love with her or something. He's not. He keeps telling himself he's not. He doesn't want to be.

'Our relationship is history' He states lowly. 'You being hot isn't something that changes but it doesn't mean I want to fucking marry you. Maybe I just want to fuck you'

Her eye lashes flicker because it feels like he may as well of just said I hate you. She feels like she's just been kicked in the gut.

He wants her body but not her. She swallows thickly. She knew this wasn't a good idea from the start. She knew this was a recipe for disaster only she couldn't help herself, she would always be in love with him. Always. And if this arrangement was all she'd ever get of him, she'd take it.

'Well why don't you?' She doesn't know what compels her to say it. Maybe she thinks he won't act on her words. Maybe she wants him too.

He squints at her and she takes a little step back, not that there's that much room to move.

She can see the hatred in his eyes. It's been there all along. He's not forgiven her, not in the slightest. She feels stupid because she's been thinking perhaps there is a chance for them. She's been thinking perhaps he wants her. And he does. Just not in the way she'd hoped. Only she's so emotionally broken she'll take anything right now.

He stalks towards her and the rest happens so quickly, so quickly that she barely has time to register it.

Her back hits the wall and she knows the second their lips join in an aggressive kiss that neither one of them are over what happened between them. Not in the slightest.

He's bitter. She's bitter.

And she's suddenly scared because he might hate her but she hates him too.

She hates him because she wants him to want her. All of her because she's never stopped wanting him and she hates that he's seemingly stopped wanting her in that way.

As quick as his lips were on hers they're gone and they don't venture back, instead he hikes her dress up and she fumbles with the buckle of his belt and then he's fucking her against the wall of coats and he's glad it's here because he doesn't want her in his bed, he doesn't want this to be anything more than what it is. A quick fuck. Meaningless but quite satisfying.

He holds her wrists against the wall and he's in control. He's in control and he relishes in that because she's the one that ended this. She's the one that ended them. She's the one that said no. She's the one that fucked them up. Everything had been perfect. He'd offered her everything, he'd wanted everything with her but she'd declined. She'd had the power but right now he does.

Her hands strain to get free but he holds tight.

'Luke'

Blue locks with green then and when they do he falters. The second his eyes meet hers it's no longer just him fucking her. He no longer relishes in his dominance because she's looking at him with discomfort.

And he could never just fuck her. Who was he kidding?

His fingers release their bruising grip at her wrists, instead sliding up to interlock with her hands. Her small digits grip his tightly and he drops his head into her shoulder because he can't look at her any longer in fear that he'll spill out words like..._you're so beautiful...I missed you...I need you...I love you._

Their movements are quick and needy and relentless. She cries out when she comes and he savours it because he loves that sound and he knows that in a moment she'll be pushing him away.

He's wishing he'd had enough self will not to respond to her provoking retort. He's wishing it wasn't like this. He's wishing she was his wife and the last ten years had been spent together. He wonders if his wishes are just a distraction, she's a distraction, a welcome distraction from his mother because when Peyton's not there beside him, it's all he can think about and it's hard. So very hard. But she somehow makes it a little easier.

He stays, holding her amongst the coat racks, his breathing evening out but she turns cold quickly.

And as he suspected, she's soon muttering something about parties and being rude and needing to make sure Karen and Lily are okay with the miserable crowd outside.

He doesn't want to let her go but he does and he looks down because he can't look at her lips... because he's purposefully been avoiding her lips since their initial aggressive kiss, if he had allowed himself to indulge in that bliss her lips would be swollen. Kissing her again would have been too intimate. Kissing her in that situation would have meant more, he wouldn't have been able to stop.

He so desperately wanted it to just be sex and it to be meaningless but he knows now that it can never be that, not with her.

She's walking ahead of him and he follows her out and they both pretend like nothing has just occurred.

But inside, they're both drowning.

Drowning because it wasn't enough.

A fleeting fuck in a coat room will never be enough. Never.

* * *

><p>It's lunchtime and he's about to go grab a bite to eat when she barges her way past his receptionist and into his spacious office.<p>

She barely looks at him as she slaps a slip of paper down in front of him.

'Er...what's this?' He asks, eyes inspecting the article.

'A cheque' She deadpans.

'I can see that. I meant...I don't understand, what's it for?'

'I don't want your money' She says coldly.

He stands and shakes his head. 'Peyton I want you to have it'

'You've been paying me Lucas and I was uncomfortable enough about this to begin with but last night it was, it was like you paid to fuck me'

His eyes bug out and he's too shocked to respond immediately. She's walking toward the door to leave when his hand springs out. 'No' She doesn't get to leave like that. 'You know that's not what it was' He barks. He's mad that she's even insinuating it because what happened between them was not that and she knows it. He tears up the cheque and the bits of paper scatter to the floor.

'Lucas'

'No Peyton. No way. Not under any circumstance did I make you feel like that was a part of our deal' He shakes his head 'You wanted it too!'

She nods to herself. She'd wanted it. But she wants so much more. She's wanted so much more than this, from the very start 'This stupid fucking arrangement has been about one thing for you- It's just so you can pay me back for rejecting you, it's just so you can control me. You get to have me, tell me what to do, I get to be exactly what you want because I wasn't back then! I wasn't perfect and I'm not now and I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not anymore. I don't want your money. Not this way. This isn't a job. This is you trapping me. This is you making sure no one else can have me but you don't fucking want me either!'

'Peyton. I never said you couldn't see anyone'

'No, but you still manage to make it pretty impossible for me to do so. I'm always with you!' She shudders, a sob breaking free from her mouth.

And he hates it. He's always hated seeing her cry. It breaks him. He doesn't know why but when it comes to her he wants to wrap her in his arms and save her from whatever has her so upset.

He's the reason for her tears though.

He realises that most times he's seen her like this has been because of him.

He swallows thickly and takes a step closer to her.

'Peyton-'

'I hate you' She frantically wipes her eyes and then she's looking at him menacingly. 'I hate you' She prods his chest. 'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you'

He grabs her and she struggles furiously. 'Don't fucking touch me!' He grips her tighter as she wriggles. 'I hate you!'

'I know' He barks.

He knows. He can feel her hatred radiating through him. And he hates her too. He hates her so fucking much.

'You left me, you just fucking left me in that hotel room!'

And in an instant they're having a conversation, well, a screaming match that is long over due. Ten years over due.

He lets go of her. 'You said no!' Instead his hand wavers angrily in front of him.

'I never said no!' She yells.

'You never said yes! And you never fucking fort for me. You never called. Nothing' He growls.

'You left me! That said a thousand things Luke. You walked away from us not me!' She screeches back.

'I walked away? Me? I asked you to marry me because I wanted a forever with you!'

'I never said no, I said not then! We were nineteen, we were just kids!'

'So. I never doubted my feelings for you, not for one moment'

'Yeah? Well for someone who was so fucking sure, you sure found it easy to walk away from me'

'Easy? easy? It's been ten fucking years and I can't fuck another girl without thinking about you. I could've asked any girl to pose to be my girlfriend but I had to have you so I could just feel, what this' His hand flails between them. 'What this would've felt like if you'd just fucking said yes!' He shouts.

He's saying things out loud that he didn't even know he felt and they come just as much of a surprise to him as they do her.

She stops yelling. He stops yelling.

Her eyes are wide.

'You know, sometimes I'm standing there, holding your hand and I forget' He murmurs softly. 'And I think, we're perfect and that you must feel the same way but then I remember that I'm paying you, that you're only stood there beside me because I'm paying you' He slouches on the edge of his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose.

She's blinking more tears away. She wants to scream, yell, hit him.

Anything to ease the frustration that has her closing her eyes in dispair.

She shakes her head and her chin juts out as she swallows the taunting lump in the back of her throat.

'It has never been about the money' She exhales. 'You, you think' She opens her eyes and she's looking at him with such exasperation. 'You never had to buy me to have me Lucas' She chokes out in a whisper. 'How can you not know that?...I've been yours since I was sixteen'

'What?' His voice is gruff.

'You heard' She licks her lips. 'I'm yours... but you don't seem to want what belongs to you'

He doesn't say anything.

He just stares.

Stares. Stares and stares.

'I'm going to go' She whispers.

'Peyton' She looks back over her shoulder. 'You said no'

Her eyes have found the book that's displayed on the side. It's the first copy of his first book. It's the first thing he wrote.

And she wants to throw it at his head.

Because those words have tormented her for so long, because he's made her doubt them for the last ten years when she'd believed them so dearly.

'I never said no. See I was stupid. I thought that you'd end up resenting me because we both wanted different things...But had I known that by not saying yes you were going leave me I would've said yes Luke' She forces a sad smile and looks down. 'See I have this dream. That we're back in that hotel room and you ask me to marry you'

Her eyes find his.

'And every single time I say yes'

He's at a complete and utter loss for words.

She doesn't know if that's good or bad but she doesn't want to stick around to find out because she's emotionally exhausted.

'But see, I don't need a ring on my finger to be yours Luke. I just am' She steps through the door. 'I guess...I guess I'll be seeing you'

* * *

><p>It's fall.<p>

It's late.

She's still up.

She's sitting by the open window wrapped in a blanket.

It's cold but she needs the chilly air to keep her grounded.

She needs it because his voice is humming through her speakers and he's saying words that he wrote a long time ago. Words that she still finds herself believing. She finds it ironic. That he can write so eloquently yet talking to her about what he's feeling is an impossible task. She can't talk though. They're both as bad as each other.

A gust of wind ruffles the open curtains and blows her hair and she pulls the blanket tighter around herself.

She's semi aware that her phone is ringing but she doesn't move.

It's only when his voice sounds through the answering machine that she blinks away from the half moon.

_'Peyton pick up if you're there, please just-'_

She trips over her feet as she slides from her perch at the window sill and then she's breathing into the phone. 'Luke?'

'_She's_...' He pauses and it says a thousand words. She dreads the next few that sound through the phone. '_She, she died last night'_

She squeezes her eyes shut tight.

_'Will you...I know it's late but can you come over here?'_

The lump in the back of her throat is so big that it thwarts her attempts of speaking.

She wants to scream. She fears that she will if she lets any sound whimper past her quivering lips.

_'Peyton are you still there?_' His steady voice crackles down the line.

She inhales quickly through her nose and then she's nodding. 'I'll, I'll be there as soon as I can' She eventually gets out and then she hangs up because her throat is burning.

She lets out a gut wrenching sob and grasps at the wall and then she's pressing the heel of her palms into her eyes and taking shuddering breath after shuddering breath because she doesn't have time to have a melt down.

His voice is still humming through the sound system and it spurs her feet to move.

Adrenaline is pumping through her veins.

She's like a tornado and she's out the door in under five minutes.

Thoughts are buzzing round her head at a dangerous rate. She's wondering what the quickest way to get there would be. She's wondering if she should go via a store to pick him up some food. Or maybe some alcohol to drown their sorrows. She wonders what he needs.

He just needs her. That's all he's been thinking for the last twelve hours. He's been at the hospital. There's been forms. There's been phone calls to make. Arrangements to be made.

The knock on the door is hesitant and urgent all at once and he knows it's her and when he finally sees her in front of him he thinks he can breathe again.

He feels dizzy.

'Luke'

He pulls the door open wide and without a word walks back down the hall.

She doesn't bother to wipe away the tears that are leaving red splotchy train tracks on her porcelain cheeks. She can't feel them.

She follows him.

He sits on the sofa and his face is pale and he looks like he hasn't slept in days. He hasn't.

She opens and closes her mouth but she knows there's nothing she can say.

There's nothing that can fix this.

She walks over to him.

'I'm so sorry'

He nods once and then a tear escapes and races down his cheek.

She crouches down on the floor, hands on his knees.

'It happened so quick' He avoids her eyes. 'I mean I knew, I knew it was coming but, but you know so much time passes you start to think maybe the doctors are wrong maybe she can beat it and...' He shakes his head and she bites her lip to stop herself from crying loudly.

'Baby' She stands and his hands go round her waist and he rests his head on her stomach.

It's the first time in all these months that she's seen him loose it.

He's been so strong. So together. But the end has come and he's falling apart before her very eyes.

But what she doesn't know is that she's the only one, the only one that can fix him.

Her hands run through his hair.

They stay like that for a long while and then he looks up at her and she strokes his cheek.

But she can feel his fingers elsewhere and her eyes divert to where they're busy unbuttoning her jeans.

And she can't breathe.

She wants to protest some because they need to talk and she can't face him touching her again if he doesn't want more than just sex because she's invested in this. In him.

And the last time they did this it felt so different to what she remembered because he was fighting them. Fighting her love.

But she can't say no to him, never has. Well, except that one time.

He slides the denim down her thighs and she holds onto his shoulders as she steps out of them and then he pulls her down into his lap and her arms go around him and the bitterness is gone.

She cradles his head against her chest and then she's murmuring 'I don't hate you Lucas, you know that right?'

'I know' He chokes out. 'It's easier for us to hate and protect ourselves than to admit what we really feel huh?' He looks up at her wearily. He's tired. Tired of fighting this.

'You own my heart, I have no control. I love you. That's just the way it is'

He strokes her cheek. 'And I love you'

They make love right there and it's slow and perfect and right and completely distracting from the numbing grief that surrounds them.

And he kisses her, can't stop kissing her.

'So do you feel like your of an adequate age to get married yet?' He's smiling but his eyes are nervous. They're both laying on the sofa, the throw pulled down over their naked limbs. He holds her tight to him. She shakes her head against his chest and he thinks if she's about to reject him for the second time he's not going to take no for an answer. He's going to lock her up and force a ring on her finger whether she likes it or not. But then she's smiling. 'I think I've been ready for a long time'

He closes his eyes and she can see the relief wash over his features and he kisses the top of her head and he doesn't say anything more about it because he knows this is forever. They're not going to muck this up again.

He falls asleep.

She's thankful because she knows he can't have slept at all in the last few days judging by his bloodshot eyes.

She drifts in and out of slumber. Two people on a sofa isn't exactly comfortable but she daren't move because he's sleeping so peacefully.

It's light when Lily walks into the living room.

Peyton jumps significantly and is surprised that Lucas doesn't wake at the jolt.

'Lily' She breathes. She didn't know where she expected the youngster to be. Of course she was here. This is her home now.

'Are you guys pretending for me now too?' Is the ten year old's response.

'What?'

'Luke told me everything. Mum. Pretending you were back together to make her happy, yada, yada, yada'

'Oh'

'Yeah. I don't care. It was kinda nice. It did make her happy'

Peyton nods with a sad smile, she's a little apprehensive over the fact that she's half naked and she really doesn't think Karen would approve of her young daughter walking in on them like this.

'But Luke promised no more lies so...'

Lucas mumbles sleepily and his grip tightens round Peyton's waist, pulling her back against his chest and the ten year old's eyebrows raise.

'Honey' Peyton smiles. 'We're not pretending. See the thing is we thought we were for your Mum but turns out we weren't pretending at all'

It's the first truth she's told and it feels good and a giddy smile reaches her lips because this is for real.

'Huh?'

'I can see how you're confused' Peyton urges her closer and Lily sits on the edge of the seat. 'Your brother and me are together'

'For real this time?'

'For real this time. No more stupid games'

Lily smiles. 'Mummy told me you'd both figure it out after she'd gone'

'What?'

'She said I didn't need to worry because you'd know when she'd left that you're meant to be together forever and ever' Lily somehow manages to fit herself on the sofa, snuggling up next to the blondes. Peyton's arm instinctively moves around her and she's suddenly not so self conscious because they need each other. It's the three of them now.

'I'm sorry honey. About your Mum'

'It's okay. I'm sad but I'm glad cause she was hurting'

Peyton kisses her head. 'We'll be okay' And for the first time she really believes that. It's just the three of them but three is so very better than one. Just them, against the world.


End file.
